I wanted to write a month ago, when on January 1st you had a mommy day. Since you are usually a daddy’s boy, it was awesome. That day we went to the beach, and the whole day you just wanted mommy. I can’t deny it, I was shining inside.
Potty training is still going smoothly, and most morning you wake up dry, or call us during the night.
We took away your ciuccio on the 20th. Except for one night, you are still asking for it, but we are not giving up. I want to make sure you are not interested in it anymore before July. Because… a baby sister is coming in July!!! I kept the secret until Christmas when I gave Dad a box with the ultrasound picture. I wanted to avoid him the pain in case of another miscarriage. I can’t avoid it, but he did;t need to go through that again. But man, was it hard! This time I felt sick every day, and dog tired, and hungry! I still can’t believe Dad didn’t figure it out. He is really not observant. Next time he says I’m an open book I’m going to have a big laugh!
You are not so keen on this news, though. On one side you don’t seem to really understand, on the other… Maybe you understand too well.
One day you were having a tantrum (oh yeah, this happens 2 a day lately) and you hit me. Your hands hit my belly, so I told you that you were hitting the baby. I though that would have worked better than telling you you were hurting me, since it was me you were mad at. But, instead, you just did it again. And a third time. In that moment, I thought you knew what you were doing. I got you a couple of books about babies and you have refused to look at them for days. Then one day I chose a good moment and you let me read you one. You made me read it three times. Since then, we usually read it once a day. You have learnt that whatever mommy eats go to the baby through the tube, and that when baby has his head down, it’s ready to get out. It’s pretty cool to hear you explaining that!
I’m exciting of this new girl, and happy it’s a little girl. I’ve always wanted an older brother, and it will be nice to have one of each. Even though you’ll be the only boy of the family. I also think it might create less animosity in sharing toys and stuff. But we’ll see.
Lately you’ve been so difficult that the thought of having a baby to take care of, in a few months, make me panic. You’ve been waking up at night, and crying, then whine, no talking, like you are in a sort of trance and we need to exorcise you. Honestly, it starts from nothing and stops with nothing, leaving us exhausted. One day I manage to calm you, the other dad does, and then all over again.
Mornings are the worst. Since a week ago, you started getting up and saying “go away mommy” which hurts me deeply. I know it’a a common phase, but still. I come in all happy to see you, and that’s your first sentence to me?? Good morning to you too! At first I explain to you that you’re not been nice, and that go away is not something we say in our house. I will leave you but I’ll be in the kitchen if you want me. As soon as I move to leave the room, you start crying desperately as if you don;t want me to go. I come back and you repeat the go away crap.
Then you start pushing or kicking away, which I can’t accept. I get mad, I raise my voice. It’s the apex and from there it can only get better. Eventually something clicks in you and you stops crying, you say sorry mommy and go back to be human again. Meanwhile, I aged three years and i’m late for work.
Between these mornings, and the nights when you don’t fall asleep until 11 and then wake up several times and want one of us to go into your room and stay there until you are asleep again, I feel I’m forgetting I’m pregnant and I should be thinking more of this baby girl. I feel already guilty that I’m not as attentive to her as I was with you. I can’t wait to feel her move to feel it’s real. I also hope you’ll understand then too. And this phase will be over, or I will end up killing myself. If we have a baby sleeping and you start making these crazy scenes and wake her up, and have two of you needing attentions, I don;t think I could handle it. I know everybody does but right now I’m not sure I’d have the strength.
Dad just left your room and you must be sleeping, and it’s “only 21.52”!! Big success this week!
You were having a tantrum and kept saying “no” in a whiny voice while you were sitting alone in the bathroom doorway. Weirdo. Btw, you did;t brush your teeth tonight. Sneaky monkey…!
Oh! I just remember something funny you did before all this bad tantrums era started!
One day we got home from school. You went into the living room, while I’m in the bathroom washing my hands. All of a sudden you come to the door pointing your accusing finger at me and shouting with an evil look:”you hide the TV buttons to watch the TV! it’s not there! where you hide it?? You SNEAKY MONKEY!!!”.
I swear to god when I heard you calling me that I burst out laughing. I felt so busted and amused at the same time!
Ten minutes later the same night I was washing you hands when i smelled something so I asked you “whoa… stinky…! did you prot (toot)?”. And you, super serious: “no mamma, I tooted at Bubble school”.
And again, the same night, at dinner you said “I gotta go pee pee” (you always have to go poo or pee while we are having dinner). “Ok, let’s go!”.
“No. You don’t come and you don’t come”. The you took a few steps, turned around and gave us a warning glaze and pointed a finger and repeated: ” you don;t come! I do all by myself!”. And so you did.