January

I wanted to write a month ago, when on January 1st you had a mommy day. Since you are usually a daddy’s boy, it was awesome. That day we went to the beach, and the whole day you just wanted mommy. I can’t deny it, I was shining inside.

Potty training is still going smoothly, and most morning you wake up dry, or call us during the night.

We took away your ciuccio on the 20th. Except for one night, you are still asking for it, but we are not giving up. I want to make sure you are not interested in it anymore before  July.  Because… a baby sister is coming in July!!! I kept the secret until Christmas when I gave Dad a box with the ultrasound picture. I wanted to avoid him the pain in case of another miscarriage. I can’t avoid it, but he did;t need to go through that again. But man, was it hard! This time I felt sick every day, and dog tired, and hungry! I still can’t believe Dad didn’t figure it out. He is really not observant. Next time he says I’m an open book I’m going to have a big laugh!

You are not so keen on this news, though. On one side you don’t seem to really understand, on the other… Maybe you understand too well.

One day you were having a tantrum (oh yeah, this happens 2 a day lately) and you hit me. Your hands hit my belly, so I told you that you were hitting the baby. I though that would have worked better than telling you you were hurting me, since it was me you were mad at. But, instead, you just did it again. And a third time. In that moment, I thought you knew what you were doing. I got you a couple of books about babies and you have refused to look at them for days. Then one day I chose a good moment and you let me read you one. You made me read it three times. Since then, we usually read it once a day. You have learnt that whatever mommy eats go to the baby through the tube, and that when baby has his head down, it’s ready to get out. It’s pretty cool to hear you explaining that!

I’m exciting of this new girl, and happy it’s a little girl. I’ve always wanted an older brother, and it will be nice to have one of each. Even though you’ll be the only boy of the family. I also think it might create less animosity in sharing toys and stuff. But we’ll see.

Lately you’ve been so difficult that the thought of having a baby to take care of, in a few months, make me panic. You’ve been waking up at night, and crying, then whine, no talking, like you are in a  sort of trance and we need to exorcise you. Honestly, it starts from nothing and stops with nothing, leaving us exhausted. One day I manage to calm you, the other dad does, and then all over again.

Mornings are the worst. Since a week ago, you started getting up and saying “go away mommy” which hurts me deeply. I know it’a a common phase, but still. I come in all happy to see you, and that’s your first sentence to me?? Good morning to you too! At first I explain to you that you’re not been nice, and that go away is not something we say in our house. I will leave you but I’ll be in the kitchen if you want me. As soon as I move to leave the room, you start crying desperately as if you don;t want me to go. I come back and you repeat the go away crap.

Then you start pushing or kicking away, which I can’t accept. I get mad, I raise my voice. It’s the apex and from there it can only get better. Eventually something clicks in you and you stops crying, you say sorry mommy and go back to be human again. Meanwhile, I aged three years and i’m late for work.

Between these mornings, and the nights when you don’t fall asleep until 11 and then wake up several times and want one of us to go into your room and stay there until you are asleep again, I feel I’m forgetting I’m pregnant and I should be thinking more of this baby girl. I feel already guilty that I’m not as attentive to her as I was with you. I can’t wait to feel her move to feel it’s real. I also hope you’ll understand then too. And this phase will be over, or I will end up killing myself. If we have a baby sleeping and you start making these crazy scenes and wake her up, and have two of you needing attentions, I don;t think I could handle it. I know everybody does but right now I’m not sure I’d have the strength.

Dad just left your room and you must be sleeping, and it’s “only 21.52”!! Big success this week!

You were having a tantrum and kept saying “no” in a whiny voice while you were sitting alone in the bathroom doorway. Weirdo. Btw, you did;t brush your teeth tonight. Sneaky monkey…!

Oh! I just remember something funny you did before all this bad tantrums era started!

One day we got home from school. You went into the living room, while I’m in the bathroom washing my hands. All of a sudden you come to the door pointing  your accusing finger at me and shouting with an evil look:”you hide the TV buttons to watch the TV! it’s not there! where you hide it?? You SNEAKY MONKEY!!!”.

I swear to god when I heard you calling me that I burst out laughing. I felt so busted and amused at the same time!

Ten minutes later the same night I was washing you hands when i smelled something so I asked you “whoa… stinky…! did you prot (toot)?”. And you, super serious: “no mamma, I tooted at Bubble school”.

And again, the same night, at dinner you said “I gotta go pee pee” (you always have to go poo or pee while we are having dinner). “Ok, let’s go!”.

“No. You don’t come and you don’t come”. The you took a few steps, turned around and gave us a warning glaze and pointed a finger and repeated: ” you don;t come! I do all by myself!”. And so you did.

 

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Potty trained

It’s official!! You are potty-trained!!!

Yuppieeeeee!!!

Can’t even tell you how proud I am. It’s been 2 weeks, and no accidents, at school nor at home. Even better, now you nap without a diaper, and 2 nights ago you woke up and told me you needed to pee, so we went, and the next morning your diaper was dry! And last night you slept and didn’t wake up, and this morning it was dry again!! Incredible!!!

Not even 2 and a half! I feel as proud as a peacock. This was really easy with you, hats off, my baby!

After a few days making scenes because you didn’t want to go to Bubble school, these last 2 days were ok, and you didn’t cry. You have been a good boy for over a week now, which is a new record. You are super sweet and I love you to death. You are growing so quickly, we found you putting a box on top of a chair and try to get on it to reach the top of the dresser. You get the concept of sticking 2 objects on top of each other to increase height.

You’ve been hiding little objects (Elfy, the Fa lala book, my cooking thermometer, and some toys) in one of the bathroom drawers.

Yesterday you kept saying “I wanna be a fireman! and pssssshhhhhh (spraying sound)!”.

When we tell you that Santa won;t bring you gifts if you are a bad boy, you start shouting “I’m a good boy, I’m a good boy!!”

Little things, fascinating little things make our days fun, interesting, and we are so amazed by you.

Oh yeah! Yesterday you started doing Kung Fu. You are also pretty good with your moves! I must take a video of you doing it, it’s totally worth it!

Nanna time now, mama is coming!!

Love you,

Mom

Bittersweet

And like always, they are gone. Right when they were almost becoming part of our routine, and we were getting used to have them in our house. For nonno, this was the first time here at our place, and despite the first 2 days (they were hard), then he settled in ok, or at least he looked like he did. Nonna is always the same, always trying to help out. We could;t have the great time we were hoping for, because of the weather, but we still managed a very good Thanksgiving and a great seafood dinner at South Port.

And, hear hear…! That week we took off diaper during day time, and even in the car. And even with a diaper on, you will tell us you need to pee and won’t wet the diaper.

Distance. I feel so torn. As soon as they arrive I feel overwhelmed and could;t even imagine going back to Italy, and be close. But then… when they leave, I always cry, it just happens, I don;t know why. They are still my family, and I wish we could find a compromise and be closer than thousands of miles away.

Bittersweet.

Thank you

Dear Tristan, what would I do without you? In days like today, I can’t say nothing but a big big thank you!

I was down, emotional, disappointed. After the miscarriage, this second baby is still not happening. I think psychologically I’m scared to death. Of another miscarriage, of a difficult pregnancy, of another recovery, and of another baby, with no help whatsoever. I think of how hard it is now sometimes, and wonder how we’ll manage. I know we’re not the only ones, and that it will be fine, but I worry about us, about us being happy as a family. Og you being jealous. Of dad been put aside. Of me being exhausted, and crabby, and of letting myself go.

But days like today, it just makes me sad not being able to have all that all over again.

And, at the same time, I don;t need anything else, you are so enough. You fill my heart and you couldn’t be more perfect. just like that. And that makes me want to give you a baby brother or sister, so you can have someone to play with, not having anybody. Somebody to be a good example for, somebody who can look up to you, somebody to protect and to show off.

Today you were good all day. No whining, no tantrums, very affectionate, funny, sweet, obedient, cool, smart, chitchatty.

You woke up early and woke me up with a sweet “wake up mammy, get up!”. Breakfast. Grocery shopping with me, and you helped putting things on the counter and use the credit card. Back home to hang out, you were tired, we cooked and ate pasta. Potty! It’s been 7 days since you’ve used the potty consistently at home, you still pee in the diaper if you have it on, but no major accidents. And when you use the potty, you are just hilarious: you hold the sink with one hand, and my shoulder with the other, then really get into it and look like a woman in labor in the pushing phase. It’s impossible to stay serious.

Then nap time, and it was quite easy. You woke up early and just came knocking on the back door where we were just sitting down. Watched Oddbods, then we went to the park wth your tricycle, saw a bunch of iguanas and ran after them. Walked all the way back on my shoulders, while you were intentionally letting yourself go backwards so it was super hard for me not to let you fall. Went and swam in the neighbours’ pool, and you jumped in the water with the angry jump, the nanna jump, the do-up do-do-up.. do do do doo-up jump, the backward jump. You were having a blast. Came back and let me give you a shower!!! Lately you are terrorised of getting in the tub, and we have no idea why.  So that was a nice surprise! Then hanged a little waiting for dinner, dinner was great and you ate super well, then play the monster game where you pretend to be a monster and scare me or daddy. The play with magnetic tiles, and drew a few happy faces and monsters with 3 eyes. You can definitely draw a face: a circle, then 2 eyes, a mouth, but tonight you pushed it to 2 ears and a nose as well!

Then bed time, read a few stories and you fell asleep on my legs like you are lately doing every night. Not that I mind, not at all. Today you were a mommy’s boy but also super cool with dad. You were just adorable all day long for both of us. And you made my day get better, and me happy.

You are my wonder. A wonderful, wonderful child.

Love you to pieces.

Mom

Terrible Two

You hear about them, you read about them, you are scared of them, you are skeptical. You wonder when it’s going to happen. Maybe it won’t. And then, they hit you. The Terrible twos. The exist, oh they surely do.

Drama scenes that not even the Queen of England would dare make. Tantrums out of the blue that we are wondering if there is any craziness in either of our families. Chance of moods that not even grandmas during menopause. Amazing. Every single night, same story, same scene. Same result, same end. I pick you up and everything is wonderful, I give you a snack. Then as soon as we get home, the transformation into monster. You start whining and asking -not nicely, btw- about ice pop, chocolate milk, honey (actually, boney) milk, candy, peanuts, chips, banana, and whatever else you can think of. If we give it to you, you scream “No!” and you push it away. We take it back and you ask for it again, crying. Total craziness. By the time a resemblance of dinner is on the table, the real tantrums start. Screams, kickings, “No, go away mama/papa!”, tears. We end up bringing you to your room until you calm down. Door closed. Eventually, you do calm down, and everything goes back to normal and you go back to be a normal child.

Last week you did;t skip one evening d then, of this crap. And then, Friday night we went out to eat, to celebrate my citizenship and dad’s new job, and you were good! So maybe you are just hungry when we get home? As much as I try, unless I get a magic wand I can get dinner ready immediately, but I’m trying.

The whole weekend you were pretty good, and Sunday night you were pretty much adorable. We were in bed and I was tired, laying next to you, and you gave me a kiss. Then another one. Then you started kissing me continuously, one little kiss after another, until I was giggling like a little girl! Then you stopped and asked me “Mamma, are you okaaaay?”. I was so in love with you! Right there and then, all the tantrums were forgotten. You have been good since Friday. Today is Tuesday, new tantrum, even though nothing of the craziness happened and you apologised right away. The reason, tonight, was your current rejection of the bath tub. You used to love it, now if we try to put you in, you go nuts, like we are trying to kill you. i don’t get it, you love the pool and the ocean, where does this terror come from?!??

You are talking quite well now, and you improve every day. Your face is also changing, you have a stinker face sometimes. You look at yourself in the mirror and make all kind of faces the you think I’m not looking. But I am, and it’s hard not to laugh. I think you are resembling less Dad now, but I don’t see more of me either.

Nevertheless, we love you to pieces! You are the best thing we’ve ever made, and can’t get enough of you and your smell and every little part of you is just pure perfection!

Love,

Mom

To remember

Dear Tristan,

you’ve learnt to blow your nose! Now when you need you just tap the tip of your nose with a finger and say “Nose” and expect somebody to come with a tissue, then you blow. Tonight you asked me “What’s happening to my nose?” and I was quite surprised.

The last few weeks you also take off your shoes and socks as soon as you get in the house, and bring your dirty socks in your hamper, saying “take off your shoes, or mommy angry”. That’s what dad told you once, it must have stuck.

Cute things you say: ‘nammy juice/nammy food”, “boney milk (honey milk)”. You can’t say the ‘s’ when at the end so instead of “Mommy’s” it becomes “Mummat”.

You stopped saying honey and you changed it to ‘boney”. There are a few others that I can’t think of.

You also started singing. The new school is going quite well (knock on wood!) and when I pick you up I put the disney soundtrack and as soon as Moana is on (How far I’ll go) we start singing and you know all the finals and you sing our loud! I so wish I could film you. Dad hasn’t had the pleasure to hear you yet.

You are becoming a little obsessed and won’t use a slide if it’s dirty, or won’t poop in the toilet if there is a hair in it. Or won’t wash your hand if there is a hair in the sink, you start whine “peeelooo, peelooo, yucky pelo!”. You are still mixing italian and english.

You know the numbers, but sometimes you mix them up. You know colors, animals, and A LOT of words. One night we took the 100 words book and you told them ALL. Some in english some in italian, but you didn’t skip one.

You are also sleeping with no pacifier at nap time at school. And getting rid of it here at night as well. But it takes much longer to fall asleep. Except tonight, you did quite well and didn’t even ask for it.

You are still cure as hell, and still have that baby cuteness that will be disappearing in the next few months. Not looking forward to it, even though every change is so awesome, I’m excited and sad at the same time 🙂

Love,

Mom

Proud as a peacock

Dear Tristan,

today is one of those days when I’m as proud as a peacock, and I’d be showing off my tail around all day.

Today was your first day at the new day care: because of Dad’s new job, and since they opened this new place 2 blocks from my office, we decided to make the move. I don’t like changes in your routine, just because I’m afraid they might be hard on you. But we also think of the best for you, and for our family, and this was it.

We’ve been telling you for a few days that we would be going to Bubbles school, and that you would have new teachers and friends, and today when we got there you were so excited! We went into the room and you politely said hello to Ms Stacey, then went around and started playing, with a nice curious smile. When I told you I would go to work and see you later, you didn’t even hear me.

When I picked you up, you hugged me and were fine, they told me you had been a role model, you played, ate, slept, never cried. I was so proud! We left while you were saying “byeeee” to the other kids. An angel!!

It’s been a tantrum phase and it was nice to see you being that good.

The hardest thing lately is that whenever you don’t get what you want or we don’t understand what you mean, you start saying “No mamma! go away!” which mostly is for my benefit (dad gets his “no, daddy!”, but I don’t think you’ve told him to go away yet), and if you know me at all you can guess how that hurts me. I learnt not to show how hurt I feel because with you it doesn’t work and it hurts even more, but tonight I told you “ok, if you want to be alone I’ll go away” and left you on your chair, alone. When you started whining I asked you if you wanted me to come back, and you said “Yes, mamma, come back!” and since then you’ve been adorable. You told me “Sit down, mama”, and insisted on eating on my lap. You were good at night time and let me rock you while telling you a story, then you fell asleep with your head on my leg.

Maybe tomorrow you’ll tell me “Go away again”, but maybe not, and even if you do, today was a good day, and I’m happy 🙂

Love,

proud mamma