Big Brother

Dear Tristan,

I’ve just found out we’ll have another baby in November. It happened so fast, we barely started to think about it and bam! Pregnant. Yesterday I was thinking that, despite all the stress we have in our lives, this is a big one we were spared. I know so many people have troubles having a baby, and want it so much. This creates stress, both between husband and wife and also financially. This is something we didn’t have! We got super lucky both times.

I don’t want to say this, but I’m torn between hoping for a girl or another boy. I mean, I know I’d like the girl so we can have the couple, and because I’ve always wanted a big brother. Then I think teenagers years, and a girl scares me LOL!

But I’m concerned about a boy because of the name he’ll have… When your dad agreed to name you Tristan, I promised him the second one would be Calvin, which was his choice. Now that we are talking about moving to Italy, I don’t want it anymore because in italian it means “little bald man” so he’ll be bullied. At the same time, I keep my promises, so… A Matilde would make everything easier, name-wise!

Whatever it will be, it will be loved, hopefully by you as well. This place the sleeping in your own bed a priority in the next 9 months, or you won be able to sleep properly once the baby comes.

You started talking, and you won’t stop! Lately you repeat everything. You learnt papaya, salta (jump), zia, your name!!!, “bad bad Tristan”, bravo, patata, arrivati, latte, milk, tavolo, pronto, hello, please, cheese, and some more.

This is a great time of you, and you are still the cutest! Your little brother, if he is going to be a brother, will have a high standard to meet, poor thing, He can only be better than you in one thing: be a good sleeper in his own bed!

Love you always, Big Brother…



Piccolo Uomo

Dear Tristan,

exciting week!! On Thursday, you told us you needed the potty, so we went to get it and you used it (three times!!!) standing and sitting overtime you had to go. So proud!! 20 months!!

On Friday at day care you got a black eye. Not while fighting with a 3 year old like Dad likes to say, but slipping while pushing a toy lawn mower. Not as cool but you didn’t even cry. So now you have a decently big cut on your eyelid, and a purple eye.

At this age, you are repeating pretty much everything we say, as long as we don’t ask you to.

You recognise all the shape both in english and italian (I think it’s amazing!), some of the new words you learned lately are mani, ready, cheese, yogurt, outside, dentro, lí, see you, happy birthday, butt.

You are a great eater and LOVE yard work and watering things. Now you go out by yourself (usually naked), take the hose and water plants, while we are still in the house.

16 teeth (top canines coming out just now).

Gotta go get lunch ready!





Dear T.,

tonight we had great fun before bed time. We were playing at the horse and while I was galloping with you on my back you started saying “Mom mine! Mom mine!” thumping your chest to indicate you.

We went back to the bedroom and you kept looking at dad and telling him “Mom mine, mom mine!”.

Now, I don’t know if that’s what you meant or if I understood what I wanted to hear. But I surely loved to hear it. You are not sick anymore and your weirdness towards me is gone. Who knows what’s in your head sometimes. You are my sweet baby again, and today yes I’m all yours. Love,


Ps. Word of the day: toto (cocco)

Pps. Last night we were attaching letter stickers to your table while reciting the alphabet and you started repeating after me. I, jay, key, elle, emme, enne (you said this to perfection!), o, pi, erre, esse. Amazing! But you do have a problem with the camera because as soon as you realise we are filming you you stop doing the cute thing you were doing. And I can’t even complain too much because I run from the camera myself. Darn it, among all things you could have taken after me, this one?? And the love for spoonfuls of peanut butter.


Dear T.,

You are the youngest man who’s ever made me cry. And not just once, but several times. When you were born. When you were sick and cried all night and couldn’t sleep and I cried with you, thinking I can’t resist being up another night. And yesterday, again at night, when you pushed me away.

You are becoming more and more a daddy’s boy, which is cool, even though I always hoped to have that special mother and son relationship everybody talks about. But lately you haven’t been sleeping and the only one who can calm you down when you wake up whining is dad.

You must have canines coming out because you’ve been waking up several times a night and so did yesterday. It was 3am and I was the first one who comes to you trying to calm you down. I understand you more than Dad, I think, because I know you don’t like it when we leave. But he got up and left to use the bathroom, right when you were reaching out to him, so that you just lost it and started screaming. I would have never done that, I would have hold it and waited or at least I would have told you that I was going to be right back. So since I get all this and don’t do anything that in any way could make you upset even more, I would at least expect some gratitude, but no. You pushed me away when I was just trying to comfort you telling you dad would be right back.

This upset me so much I got secretly mad with dad because if he didn’t go away or if he had touched you or looked at you or told you “I’ll be right back”, you might not have screamed so much like you felt abandoned with me. You are still so little, and can hurt my feelings so much.

I just don’t get it. I know I’m the one who make you brush your teeth, change diaper, wash your hands, wash your hair and do all the stuff you don’t like to do, but I can’t justify you preferring your dad so much. I’m not jealous, I’m just hurt and I don’t understand. I’ve been wanting to be a mother since I was 3 while I had to force your dad to finally have you, and I’ve been with you since the beginning, talking and spending time with you even before your first smile, not caring that you were so little. Your dad was the last one to get a smile because he wouldn’t do anything to get one -not funny sounds, nothing you would find funny. He felt strange to be a clown to a little thing who didn’t do anything. And now all of that seems not to matter and you pushed me away.

I hate not being able to calm my baby.  I am little so I get it if you are more comfortable in dad’s arm. It make sense. I can barely lift you and there is just not enough space on me for you to be comfy. But you pushed me away. I don’t know why.

You act like women do: go after the ones who treats you badly (figuratively, obviously. What I mean is that Dad can call you little shit and tell you he is tired of you and that he is done and I couldn’t do that because I would feel like a horrible mother).

The funny thing is you have this preference only at night and when you are whiny or sick.

And then this morning when I woke up from my few hours night sleep with red eyes and went to the kitchen, you woke up and repeated  ‘mamma, mamma” and left the bed where dad was sleeping and came to the kitchen and stayed with me getting ready and playing from 6.45 to 8 when we left for school. You didn’t even realized your dad was still in bed, you didn’t ask for him once. So what is this?!? it s going to sound bad, but I felt a little better after this morning. Maybe we just need more time together? I’ll try to make some. I’m sorry I have to work full time, and when I get home I need to make dinner. I’ll try to be more organized so we can play more when I get home.

Anyway, I hope these canines will come out soon because this is very tiring!

To happier things now! Your love for destroying stuff just became love to build, and we’ve been building with the magnetic tiles little boxes where you like to put all your pastels. You finally learnt how to ride the bouncy pony and you really are an energetic hopper! We gotta watch you because you have no idea of what your are doing and fall backwards or forward every time.

You have a passion for high heels and you put my shoes on and try to walk and get upset when you lose the shoes.

You like to play pretend cooking and feed both me and dad and your stuffed animals.

You are not scared of the hairdryer anymore and want to use it for 5 seconds every night.

New words: “morn” (good morning), potapota (potato), allora (this is what you say better. It’s a word I overuse and dad makes fun of me repeating it and now you repeat it as well and sound very grown up when you say it).

I asked Dad to pick up food for dinner tonight, so we can have some quality time.

I’ll be home soon!


Smarty pants

Dear Tristan,

you are opening and closing the bedroom door putting your hedgehog out and then pulling it back in instead of going to sleep. I’m taking the chance to write a few lines as I’ve been trying to do so in a while. At this moment, you can say a few more words, like mouth, morning, occhi (otti), si (ti), yeah, puppy, eyes, nose, and you can repeat quite a lot if you want to. You imitate me everything I scream when I drop something on the floor and I feel like you are mocking me already!

Today we went to the park all morning because your dad wasn’t willing to acknowledge either of us (I went to get my hair done yesterday and it took me a bit longer than expected and when I got back he was not happy. He didn’t want to talk about it, he only mentioned paint all over the kitchen and that you were naughty and he was done with you. What the heck did you do??!!) and you surprised me with how strong you already are. We have a small slide in the backyard our neighbours gave us and you’ve been going up and down for a while now, but today at the park you went all by yourself on a big slide! You also tried the climbing wall and you went up so fast i almost panic because I could barely reach you and couldn’t make you let go.

You are a smart little dude you know. Very independent already. You love outside (“a”) and water. Thank god we live in Florida! you love using the pump to water everything and now you figured out that if the water doesn’t come out you need to go to the tap and open it. So yesterday you were done with lunch and wanted to go outside. The screen was locked and you unlocked it, open the screen door, went out, close the door behind you, followed the pump to the end, tried to water, but water wasn’t coming out, so you came all the way back to the house, opened the tap and went back to water the plants. You were out there on your own for al least 20 minutes, then you lost a shoe, so you came back to the house and had us putting the shoe back on, then we were gone again!

You are still eating well, now you love broccoli and zucchini, uva, pineapple, and still cheese.

Now when you poop you say “pupu” and touch your butt, but so far by the time we put you on the potty you are already done. But we are getting there! It’s not bad for a 19 months old!

At day care they split your class and now you are only with kids your own age, we were worried you would miss Ms Elizabeth but you are having the time of your life and are much happier. The teacher is impressed with you and she told me you are the only one allowed to open the mini fridge because yu go, open it, get your water cup, drink, put it back and close it, so she trusts you :).

Sometimes you dance and try to sing, but your vocabulary is not enough for you to do so. You are very observant and remember everything, and you never cease to amaze me.

There is more I wanted to say but I hear suspicious noises coming from your bedroom so I need to go check.

Never mind, you are back and now you are going to want to type over here. Gotta go.




Last night I was making lasagna and you were ‘participating’ when I smell something. I checked your diper and was ok, then I asked you “You gotta go potty?” and you said “Yeah”. So I tell you “Want to go get your potty and poop in there?” you said yeah and went. I heard a loud noise and a cry of frustration, then you came back empty handed. I told you to be patient and to ask for help (we are working on the “help’ sign instead of getting mad when you can’t do something), so you put your little hands together in an attempt of sign “Help”. I went and got your potty. You sat on it still dressed, and I let you do your thing, thinking it’s good to get familiar with the concept. And…. You actually did it!! You sat and pooped in the potty! You just forgot to take your pants off 😉

Well done, big boy!!!




Oggi sei grande.Sei diverso. ieri sera per la prima volta in mesi hai dormito nella tua camerata tutela notte. Dormendo ti sei spostato sul tappeto e ci sei rimasto la maggior parte della nottata, mentre io me ne stavo sveglia ad ascoltarti respirare e a sentirmi in colpa a lasciarti per terra ma non volendoti svegliare.

Ti sei svegliato di ottimo umore e a scuola continuavi a raccogliere i cereali che Bryce buttava per terra e a borbottare “no no no”.

E oggi, quando sono arrivata a casa, invece delle solite richieste di essere preso in braccio e non farmi cucinare, tu eri impegnato a spostare tutti i tuoi pupazzi in soggiorno, e papà ha detto che era già un bel po’ che lo facevi. Eri concentratissimo e felice, regalandoci un sorriso smagliante di tanto in tanto, sapendo di avere un’audience. Io e papà abbiamo persino chiacchierato una buona mezz’ora senza che tu cercassi di attirare l’attenzione perché ti sentivi escluso.

Adesso siamo in camerata pronti per il bagno ma tu sei di nuovo impegnatissimo a preparare da mangiare con le tue pentoline. Ti devo solo convincere a lasciarle e una volta in acqua non vorrai più uscire. Stai imparando ad intrattenerti da solo e non mi stancherei di guardarti fare tutte le tue cose e meravigliarmi per ogni tuo piccolo gesto, vecchio o nuovo che impari.

L’altra sera mi hai abbracciata, stretta, cosi dal nulla. Papà scherzando ha detto “Cosa vorrà?” e invece tu te ne stavi li, senza far nulla, solo abbracciandoci, per qualche minuto. Poi ti sei staccato, mi hai sorriso in quel modo da rubacuori, e ho sentito il cuore sciogliersi. Basta poco per dimenticare tutto il resto.