Sleepyhead

Dear Tristan,

my handsome boy! I still can’t believe it… You slept until 05.30 today!!! We tried so hard so make it happen, by feeding you so that the last feeding was late, anticipating or postponing feedings to make it easier to happen, and you always somehow messed up our plans. Yesterday we went to IKEA. Omg you should have seen yourself looking EVERYWHERE, turning your head right and left checking out all that was going on around you. So many people! So many colors! So much noise! So much stimulation…. We got home and at 7.20pm you were starving. We gave you your usual amount, 5oz, and you wanted more. We gave you more, and still you weren’t satisfied. So you ended up eating 7 oz…. craziness!!!! In fact, minutes later you were burping, spitting up, pooping and spitting up again. At 9pm you were sleepy and you passed out on the couch like you haven’t slept in years. There was no way I was going to wake you up to nurse you like usual (I don’t think you could have handled more food anyway), so I swaddled you and you didn’t even move. Put you in the crib, knowing you were going to wake up around 1, then 4, then 6. GROAN…! But hey, it was okay… Thanks God it was the weekend! At 3am I woke up because I could hear you making noises, and I went to warm up your bottle so that it would be ready. Grandma had the same thought so we had a nocturnal encounter in the kitchen. then we went back to sleep. I woke up at 5.30 thinking Oh man, grandma must have taken care of him and I didn’t hear anything!, but when I checked your feeding journal there was no sign of food before… Whaaaaat???!!!?? No way!!!Β I picked you up, changed you, and I heard your stomach grunting… My poor baby!!! And you weren’t even complaining!! You slept for 8 hours and went without eating for 10!!!!

I was so happy I couldn’t be quite and was all smiles and compliments for you, even if that would mean waking you up and no more sleep for anybody. I didn’t care. I brought you to bed with us and cuddle up a little, then talked a little more, and you were out again! Magic…

Slept for 50 minutes then pooped, then had the nursing session you skipped last night then… slept again!!!

So now I’m here writing this. I’m not keeping a journal like I thought I would, so this is my journal. Whatever happens that is worth remembering I’ll put it in here. I should probably improve my writing skills in english… But this is basically for my benefit. And your, if you’ll ever want to read it.

I don’t think it will happen again, but this was definitely worth writing down!!

Love you Sleepyhead.

Mom

Ps. I gotta cut your fingernails again. You keep scratching your face and you look like you are just back from a war.

Pps. You went to your 2 months check-up last Thursday, you were super good (they must spray something in the air at the pediatrician because you are always better behaved than at home) even went you got 4 shots!! (it was horrible to watch). At 2 months, you are 23″ tall, and weigh 12lb 8oz. You are strong, can hold a lot of weight on your feet and stay sit by yourself with your back against the couch. Can lift your chest up during tummy time and are more alert than a normal 2 months old. You are pretty amazing. Love you again!

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Heart-melting smile :)

Dear Tristan,

a milestone was reached this week! On Wednesday, August 10th, you cracked your first smile! And, guess what?? IT WAS FOR ME!!! No no, that wasn’t granted… With all the time you are spending with Grandma, I was almost sure that would have happened with her someday while I was at work. Which would have been fine, just… I wouldn’t want to miss it.

Soon…. not only you smiled at me, but you couldn’t have had a better timing πŸ™‚

That same day we went to meet a nanny… The only nanny, actually, that we knew and were considering. She was fine, very experienced, and her reference were great. So it was almost like to hand you over to somebody who you are going to love and with whom you’ll spend most days. This was hard. So much harder than I thought. I want you to be happy and carefree so I’d rather have someone whom you love to spend time with rather than leave you at a day care crying because you want your mommy, but I’d love to be that person you get to spend most days with. I should have the right to be that person. At least for half a day. But here in the States they don’t make it easy on parents, there is no paid maternity leave and if you work part-time you lose your benefits. So we have to find a nanny.

When we got home that night I got really emotional, I wasn’t afraid you wouldn’t be fine with Ginny, I was afraid you’d rather be with her than with me. That I would miss all your milestones. That you would call her Mom. That you would do all the fun stuff in the day time with her, enjoying yourself, and spending only a couple of hours with me in the evening, when I’m tired from work and wouldn’t be ale to offer you the best.

So I was there on the couch with you half asleep, just watching you and crying a little bit in the dark. My mom came by and try to put some reason into my head, and you opened your eyes and looked at me. We said something like you being mischievous andΒ monello, pretending to sleep, and there you did it! You smiled, mouth wide open, eyes smiling too, for a few seconds. I thought I might be imagining stuff and then I saw grandma getting emotional and start crying (we are cryers from my side, just in case you take that after me and you’ll wonder where that came from). So she saw it too! We started screaming calling dad to come see it, we were so happy!!! And I felt better right away. It was like you were saying: “No matter who I might get to love or spend a lot of time with, you are still my Mommy”.

You haven’t been smiling a lot after that, you really do look quite serious all the time! But since then when I get home from work and I come to say Hi you smile and look quite happy to see me! Grandma noticed that too.

So this week for me has been an important one. At 7 weeks today (happy weekday!!), I feel a connection with you that wasn’t there before. Don’t get me wrong, I loved you unconditionally from the very first moment, but I didn’t feel I was more special to you than any other person around. You stay with anybody, you frown at everybody, you fall asleep on anybody, so so far you didn’t show any preference. Which is actually good. But you know… I want to be special πŸ™‚

So now I feel it. I feel more confident when I take you about having the ability of making you stop crying, or of making you feel better. I feel you know me now. You smiled a couple more times, and even when you don’t, you listen to me and make so many little noises! It’s like we are communicating. And it so awesome! I know it’s weird. You’ll understand when you and your wife have a kid. She’ll tell you.

The swaddling is still working and you have slept for a max of 7 hours as off today!! We still need to get up because you eat around 21.30 and fall asleep so you still wake up around 4am and won’t go back to sleep anymore, but still…! It’s an improvement πŸ™‚

You have cradle cap all over your eyebrows and head, and it smells kind of stinky, but we are trying to get rid of it. You are still cute and good looking, no worries! πŸ˜‰

And you are the very first almost bald and toothless man I’ve ever fallen in love with!!

Happy week-day, honey!

Love,

Mom

 

 

Swaddled

Dear Tristan,

you are over 6 weeks old now. You are growing so fast we can’t keep up with you and your constant change. It’s amazing to watch, you, little one, doing new things every day. I mean, not that you are doing much, but your faces! You were born already with a rich selection of funny expressions and faces, among which should be mentioned “The Frown”, “The Smirk”, and “Desperation”(I haven’t been able to take this last one in a picture yet, because my heart just melts and can’t think of anything else and I just want to comfort you), but every day you change and you make up new ones!

You are over 10 pounds now, and more chubby and taller, and now that the rash is gone you look so handsome! I don’t like to brag, but god, you are handsome! I don’t know if you’ll stay this way, but know for sure you were a super beautiful baby.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to write for a while now, but funny enough, I couldn’t manage. Even with Nonna here, there is still so little time to do anything, and you can keep busy all three of us. Now you stay awake much more and you need to be entertained, which is not that easy considering that there is no much you can do yet.

Today was my first day back to work, and you didn’t sleep at all last night. Nonna was up at least 10 times to try and calm you down, and this morning you woke up at 5 and didn’t fall asleep anymore. I got home and she was exhausted, you were crying and couldn’t sleep for more than 20 minutes, and we didn’t know why. I nursed you and rocked you and you finally fell asleep in my arms. I ate and worked holding you and I just couldn’t let you go. Not only for fear that you would wake up again, but because it’s a strange feeling… The guilt for been gone all morning to work instead of staying with you, the fact that i was able to comfort you and put you to sleep, looking at your face so relaxed in my arms just was something too nice to let you go.

But I needed to work so I put you down and sure enough, in 10 seconds you were awake again.

So I hold you and once you were asleep I gave the swaddling a try.

IMG_4240-1You know, you were swaddled only at the hospital, and even there you didn’t like it that much. Once home, every time we tried to swaddle you we pissed you off, so we stopped. You spend half an hour pushing your legs up and farting every time before you wake up, so you didn’t like to be constricted. But today my c

oworker told me his son is sleeping 6 hours straight at night, and only because they swaddle him, in a way he can’t get free. So I did it. once you were out, I swaddled you and from 15.30 you slept all afternoon barely moving. Now it’s 18.30 and you are still sleeping. You ate at noon. That makes it 6 hours… Is swaddling the secret for a decent night sleep???

We’ll try it tonight and see how it goes.

Now I’m thinking of waking you because, believe it or not… I miss you.

Love,

Mom