Dear Tristan, what would I do without you? In days like today, I can’t say nothing but a big big thank you!
I was down, emotional, disappointed. After the miscarriage, this second baby is still not happening. I think psychologically I’m scared to death. Of another miscarriage, of a difficult pregnancy, of another recovery, and of another baby, with no help whatsoever. I think of how hard it is now sometimes, and wonder how we’ll manage. I know we’re not the only ones, and that it will be fine, but I worry about us, about us being happy as a family. Og you being jealous. Of dad been put aside. Of me being exhausted, and crabby, and of letting myself go.
But days like today, it just makes me sad not being able to have all that all over again.
And, at the same time, I don;t need anything else, you are so enough. You fill my heart and you couldn’t be more perfect. just like that. And that makes me want to give you a baby brother or sister, so you can have someone to play with, not having anybody. Somebody to be a good example for, somebody who can look up to you, somebody to protect and to show off.
Today you were good all day. No whining, no tantrums, very affectionate, funny, sweet, obedient, cool, smart, chitchatty.
You woke up early and woke me up with a sweet “wake up mammy, get up!”. Breakfast. Grocery shopping with me, and you helped putting things on the counter and use the credit card. Back home to hang out, you were tired, we cooked and ate pasta. Potty! It’s been 7 days since you’ve used the potty consistently at home, you still pee in the diaper if you have it on, but no major accidents. And when you use the potty, you are just hilarious: you hold the sink with one hand, and my shoulder with the other, then really get into it and look like a woman in labor in the pushing phase. It’s impossible to stay serious.
Then nap time, and it was quite easy. You woke up early and just came knocking on the back door where we were just sitting down. Watched Oddbods, then we went to the park wth your tricycle, saw a bunch of iguanas and ran after them. Walked all the way back on my shoulders, while you were intentionally letting yourself go backwards so it was super hard for me not to let you fall. Went and swam in the neighbours’ pool, and you jumped in the water with the angry jump, the nanna jump, the do-up do-do-up.. do do do doo-up jump, the backward jump. You were having a blast. Came back and let me give you a shower!!! Lately you are terrorised of getting in the tub, and we have no idea why. So that was a nice surprise! Then hanged a little waiting for dinner, dinner was great and you ate super well, then play the monster game where you pretend to be a monster and scare me or daddy. The play with magnetic tiles, and drew a few happy faces and monsters with 3 eyes. You can definitely draw a face: a circle, then 2 eyes, a mouth, but tonight you pushed it to 2 ears and a nose as well!
Then bed time, read a few stories and you fell asleep on my legs like you are lately doing every night. Not that I mind, not at all. Today you were a mommy’s boy but also super cool with dad. You were just adorable all day long for both of us. And you made my day get better, and me happy.
You are my wonder. A wonderful, wonderful child.
Love you to pieces.