Little man grows up

Hi Love,

you just fell asleep next to me and I’m gonna take some mines to write you something. Maybe I should just write something brief every day, but I just can’t get hold of my computer at the right moments.

So you are officially walking and on Wednesday we walked into school for the first time! I can’t believe it took you so little… in a week, you were taking your first steps and then walking everywhere!

You’ve also said a couple more words.. you have been saying Mamma for a long time now, but lately you say it with a question mark at the end, every time you hear the garage door opening and somebody walking in… You say “Mamma?” like to confirm it’s me. You finally said Dada meaning Dad, and yesterday you even said that in italian, “PapĂ ”.

You have been mouthing ‘pappa’ (food) for quite a while, but now you use your voice. You can roar like a lion and you said ‘bye bye’.

Tooth #7 is coming out!. You dance swinging from side to side and clapping your hands. You are a pro with fork and spoon… or better, you were until last week, now you rather use your hands.

You like to put your face in the running water and laugh like crazy when you do that! Yesterday we took a hilarious video with you doing that in the backyard with the shower hose. So funny!

You can mime the monkey jumping on the bed song, bumping your head and saying ‘no no no’ with your finger. This is old news now, but it’s still adorable. You also do ‘no no no’ before doing anything you shouldn’t be doing… and then you do it anyway :D.

You point at the spider and with your hands try to copy when when I sing Incy Wincy spider climbing up the water spout. You also do the mosquitos when I start singing the seasons song. At school they say you are really smart and love art and you have been jealous lately of a younger child and don’t like when the teacher hold him. I’ve never seen you jealous before… but we also never had smaller kids around.

You are sleeping better at night, maybe because we started the melatonin after doctor’s recommendation, but you still sleep in our bed. I wonder how we can change this habit.

You still eat everything but fish… you are really not a fan.

I’m gonna make you some gelato now. Sleep tight!

Love you more than yesterday,

Mom

Aaaand…. we are walking!

Just like that! Yesterday night you took 1 step, by mistake, to get to your Birthday Bear. Then you fell over. When I try to make you do it again, you whined and were lazy.

Tonight you were doing a lot of one step attempt, then took your little pushing cart and went on, when you stopped, without any notice, you just left it there and walked to us. I turned my head and you were walking!! LOL I know my face must have been pretty funny!! Maybe because you saw how excited we were, you started to launch yourself to places and trying to make little steps. And when you tried to reach my phone on the couch, I took it and put it on the rug and told you to go get it. And so you did… 8 steps!!! Like you’d been doing it for days. And got cocky…. now you feel invincible!

We are so proud of you… and the best thing is… we got you on video!!!! Love you my little walker. So exciting!!!

Mom

Sorry baby

Dear Tristan,

you are asleep and I’ve been hugging you and caressing you while crying quietly. I’m so sorry. I’m so upset because tonight I got mad at you. You were throwing food on the floor (like you always do when you don’t want that food anymore) but I got mad and I looked at you with a stern face and I even raised my voice. I’m usually patient, I don’t know what got into me tonight. Now I’m not being silly, I don’t this is not a big deal and that there will be thousands of times when I’ll be mad and that discipline should be taught, but… This upset me because I felt like I’m the bad parent. I’m upset because I’m afraid I’ll be like my dad. We were never hungry or unhappy or beaten hard or anything like that, but he was strict. Strict enough that we’ve always been scared of him. I don’t want to be like that for you. But this is what I know and it’s difficult not to make the same mistakes. I was upset because I don’t want you to feel – not even for a second- that I don’t love you. And then I got mad at dad because he wasn’t there, he was planting stuff in the yard at dinner time, and if he were there, maybe I wouldn’t have lost my patience. I was mad at him because I’ve never wanted to be the “strict parent”, the disciplinarian. But mostly, I am. Despite of my dad’s strict ways, I am happy to have learnt the things he taught me. I’m happy that I’m able to sit at the table properly, knowing good manners. I’m glad he was the way he was, because I think that worked. But still, I want to teach the same things, but use a different way. I was mad because Dad took you out from your highchair before I did, because I was busy preparing you the fruit to bring to day care tomorrow, so he looked like the good guy at your eyes. While I was the bad guy.

Anyway, I get upset very easily, you know that. After a while without crying, I just need to do it, to vent. So any little thing could start it. And that happened tonight. I was so glad that you were calling for me after your shower, so we did our usual routine with massage, songs, a story, and cuddles. And I felt better. But still I want you to know, even if you won’t remember tonight, that I will probably remember it, and I feel bad. Sorry, my love. I have some news to write (like you standing up for the first time, your first birthday party, and other cute things you are doing), but I really really needed to tell you that.

I love you always,

Mom