2 years and 2 months

Dear Tristan,

it’s been so long I don’t even know where to start. From May till now, so much has happened, and at the same time it feels like it hasn’t happened much. I remember wanting to write about little things, and never finding the time, until the little things were past, and seemed too old to be written about, when there were new little things to talk about. And again, never the time.

I remember wanting to write about the trip to Italy, and how much you liked hanging out with nonna and nonna. Nonno started to bring you with in the garage to work out, and since then you kept repeating “up and down, nonno up and down” and imitating nonno while he was making an effort. In Italy, we left you for the first time, while daddy and I went to Florence for a couple of days. You were so good!

When we came back, you were so happy!

In Italy, you started to be a mommy’s boy. Maybe you can feel that i’m in my familiar environment and I feel more confident, and as a consequence you like me more. Who knows! I just know it felt very good 🙂

While in Italy, we also went to check a few houses, just to see what is available if we were to move.

When we came back, you were my little boy for a while, and I enjoyed every single moment of it. Then my business trip came, right at your birthday. I didn’t want to miss it, but had no choice, so I organised your birthday party 1 week earlier. I made you a 3 level Oreo cake, and it was a hoot! I was thinking it might be the last cake I can make you, before you start requesting something too difficult (storybots cake, Elmo cake, or who knows what you will want), so I put all myself into it.

The last week before leaving, it was hard for me. I kept feeling guilty about not being there, and being so far away for a whole week. I think you felt it too, and the mommy period was over. I wasn’t giving you a happy mom so how could you have felt happy with me? Grandma came to help out Dad, and you were so happy to have someone you only looked after you all day, and did anything you wanted! Like a dream come true.

Since then, not much really happened, except for the beginning of tantrums and hitting, more talking, more jumping, and more swimming.

You are pretty good in the water, we do lessons in Steve’s pool whenever possible and you can go ‘all the way down’ and do any kind of jumps: nanna jump, angry jump, ‘ohmygodImsoscared!’ jump, ballerina jump, back jump. You are such a trip!

You’ve been sick for a long time, a whole month. Not sleeping – it got worst then when you were a newborn, I swear-, not eating, a lot of crying, whining. Antibiotic twice, all the three of us. What a summer! Now it was finally over, and you’ve got a cold. Grrreat!

While you were sick, the first few nights you only wanted me to hold you (standing only, never sitting). As pleased as i was that you wanted me, I was exhausted and couldn’t help thinking ‘how the heck could we do this if we had another one sick at the same time?!?”. Still no answer to that.

During those nights, we also had to start discipline. You would be screaming or crying with no apparent reason, and we did;t know what to do anymore. Nothing seemed to make you feel better except if we did exactly what you wanted. A classic you wanted to do was opening the fridge and stand there in front of it staring at the inside. WTF! We did that a few times then realised you were just taking advantage of us, and that that couldn’t be making you feel better, so we stopped. You cried and cried and we started to tell you that you had to stay in your room until you stopped crying. Oh, it worked. We didn’t close the door or scream, we just told you that, and we would take you by the hand and bring you back anytime you would come out still crying, and sure enough, after a few times you would;t even come out of the room. Then you would stop crying, all of a sudden, come to us, say that you were all right and be a great little boy again.

When we did that during a day tantrum, because you were throwing food or toys, for example, after you calmed down you would explain what happened: “mamma no no no, my room close the door, no get out! stop cry sorry, all right!” (translation: when mum says no, and I do it anyway, I have to go in my room and close then door, and not get out until I stop crying, then I have to say sorry and it’s all all right!).

For me, I’ve never been so proud. I felt we were actually doing a good job. You are a very sensitive boy, I realise that. You can’t stand having one of us raising his voice or be mad at you. But you are also a kid, and something you just can’t help it, you have to push us.

You are also falling asleep every night in your new big bed! I take all the credit for this. While I was in China, Dad and grandma weren’t able/didn’t try hard enough to make you sleep in your bed, so you ended up in our bed again. All my effort, thrown in the garbage! But surprisingly enough, when I got back we built you the new big bed and we went back to our normal routine, and you fell asleep in your bed, with me next to you.

I was really hurt while being in China because it seemed you weren’t missing me at all. I know it wasn’t like that, and it was because you finally for the first time had 1 person who just stayed with you playing all the time, and you never get to enjoy that. When I’m home, I have to take care of the house, food, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, and so on, besides staying with you. But now you had someone who only had to stay with you and entertain you. Of course you didn’t miss me!

I kept repeating that to myself, but still I felt hurt. Then, at the end of the week, a change. You were talking more at the phone, you wanted me to participate and didn’t want to hang up. I guess it finally got to you that I wasn’t there, and that you were missing me. Grandma said it was like you knew something was different, and didn’t like the change, but also couldn’t exactly figure it out.

Oh well.

Lately, you want to be my baby. You want to play baby making me hold you like a little baby, and hold you bottle, and rock you, and present to make you burp (and you also pretend to burp! LOL), I wonder why.

There isn’t one post in this blog that came out the way I wanted it. It’s because it’s never spontaneous, I don’t get to write when I’m inspired, so when I do it it’s more me trying to put anything that happened in the last few months to make sure I remember, than me telling you what I’m feeling at the moment.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

But I love you even more than last time I wrote, this thing keeps growing! My heart gets bigger by the day!

Mom

ps. Favorite show: Storybots, Moana

favorite things to do: swimming, help in the kitchen, clean, drawing

talking skills: pretty good, full sentences and sometimes big speech (of which only the general topic is understandable).

Passionate about: volcanos, honey.

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