Last few days of 2017

Dear Tristan,

You are changing so much that even if I was better at keeping this blog, I still wouldn’t be able to write it all down.

We just had your second Christmas and we stayed at home, just had an early dinner with the neighbors. Honestly, it didn’t feel like Christmas. At the same time, we didn’t feel up to travel to -20F in Minnesota.

You met Santa at school and didn’t like him.

You were really good, like you usually are with other people.

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Now you run (in a funny way) everywhere, and the cutest things you do is you like to ride on my back and you neigh like a horse and also click your tongue. What melts my heart is how you grab me. You couldn’t do it till a few days ago, now you got it. Another cute thing you started doing is taking my finger and use it to point at things I asked you about. Like, we are reading a book and I ask you where is the puppy and you take my finger and guide me to touch the puppy. Like you are teaching me.

You learnt a few new words: mom, dad, pepper, puppy, awa (water, acqua), bye, hi, boo (book), mu (moon) and some more I believe, but you know the meaning of so many!!! It’s rare that we ask you where is something and you don’t know or get it wrong. It’s really amazing, and you know it in both languages! You flap your arms like a butterfly and you waddle like a penguin, and you can make a monster face (actually, this is already passed). Now your favourite song is “A is for apple” and we listen to it on our way to day care, a few times during the evening, and it’s also your bed time song. I ask you if you are ready to go to sleep, and you nod. I ask you if we can switch off the light, and you nod and say “A-a abo” so I tell you to put your head down, and then I’ll sing. I sing it a couple times and you are out.

You still sleep wth us. Yep. Not good! But we are lazy and we can’t even think about fighting at bed time. BAD PARENTS. Also, so many people are telling us that they had the same exact problem that we don’t feel as bad as we probably should, about it. My theory is that if we weren’t happy you wouldn’t want to sleep with us. But you do, so you are comfortable and we are happy.

Your favourite foods at the moment are pasta, cheese and more pasta and cheese. You like pretty much everything but you’d never say no to those two. Lately you are loving chinese rice noodles with soy sauce.

You are a daddy’s boy, or at least I see it this way, and I have to admit it hurts a little. As much as I love to see you getting along, I’d like you to be a mommy’s boy. Also, and Dad can’t deny, he always make me to the bad guy when I need to force you to brush your teeth or change your diaper or wash your hands. You fight me off and then he comes, like the hero, take you and tells you ‘come here, buddy’, so I look like the evil witch. GRRREAT. Oh well, you’ll thank me later, maybe.

There is some news. I got promoted and I might be sent to China on a business trip. This means I will have to leave for at least a week. I said yes, but I had to make myself accept. Actually, I don’t want to go. I can’t imagine leaving you for days and be so far away from you. I can’t imagine leaving you without anybody to make sure you brush your teeth and eat your vegetables without giving up at your first scream of protest. I don’t want you to lose your routine. And most of all, I don’t want you to think I left you. I’m afraid you’ll think I abandoned you and will ignore me once I’m back, and I couldn’t stand it.

But there is still some time before March, so we’ll see.

Some days I see you so big and like a real toddler, when you communicate and protest. Sometimes you are still my little baby.

We talked about a second baby. We talked about it and changed our mind. Or better, Dad changes his mind almost every day. I know I want a sibling for you, but to be honest after years with your Dad I became much more rational and I haven’t insisted about this with him yet. I know how hard it’s going to be, being you still very needy, and not having any family around. I know I won’t leave the little one at day care at only 3 months, and that we won’t have a choice. I know you already have very little time to spend with us and that little time will be cut in half if a new baby comes along. I know all the reasons not to do it, and even if I also have many reasons to do it, I don’t feel 100% sure it’s the right thing yet. I think of us as a family and I know how hard it was with no help at all, and how stressed we were, and I’m afraid more stress might break us. I also know we don’t have any major work on the house to finish anymore, so that part would be a big weight of our shoulders. Still…. If we proceed with the original plan, next Christmas we might be in 4 already. But, like I said, we haven’t made up our minds yet. You are enough, and I can’t imagine loving somebody else like you. I also believe that a mother’s heart can get bigger, so no love would be taken away from you. I’ll love you even more when I’ll see you with the baby and hopefully you guys will get along. I’d like a little girl, because I’ve always wanted a big handsome brother who could protect me and prevent me from being too girly. I think you would have made the perfect big brother.

Anyway, I’m gonna go for lunch now (I’m writing to you from work, since everybody seems to be off this week).

Love you always (even if you don’t seem to love me very much lately 😉)

Mom

Ps. Update of the day: we had a great evening!! You had some apple cake before dinner and I guess we experienced what’s known as sugar rush. You were like on crack, but hilarious!!! You started ‘talking’ in a language that sounded like backwards english and crawling super fast with your hands pointing inward. You looked like a little devil and wouldn’t stop. It was a great evening and I felt you loved me again (especially when you jump on my back to do the horse riding and you grab my shoulders).

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