I want to remember…

Dear Tristan,

no matter how many photos of you we’re taking, some moments just must be written down because it’s too difficult to catch the love in a photo (and your dad is never ready at the right time!!!).

The other day I got home from work, everything was quiet. You were on the couch with Dad and when I peaked through the door you smiled and squealed in delight. I went to get changed and you were saying “Mamma, mamma, mamma”. When I came back and I took you, I lifted you up in the air and you were smiling and I hugged you tight and you hugged me back and put your face in my neck while I was biting your chubby cheeks and we were just laughing like two idiots. I thought “This is the love. I wish I could frame this moment. Or videotape it and keep it forever. Whenever it feels too hard, watching this would make everything all right again”.

I like to bite your thighs and arms and neck, and you started to do the same to me. It’s wonderful your toothless bite! I thought you were doing it for emulation and yesterday I realised it might not be a good idea since you’ll get teeth soon and how can explain how to bite without using the teeth? And guess what. Yesterday afternoon we saw a tooth bud!!! You are getting your first tooth!!! That probably explains the biting more than my ’emulation theory’. Oh well. You’ve been a little cranky and yesterday you didn’t want food for the first time ever.

I’m excited but sad at the same time. A tooth! It’s a big change. Your smile will be different. Your face will be different. You might not nurse right anymore. You are growing up and I’m just not ready for that. Period. I’m pathetic.

You are also sitting up! I wouldn’t leave you unsupervised but I can move around a bit while you are sitting and you won’t fall over – almost never. You reach out to select your toys from the toy box. You also put the toys back in the box!!! Now I’m teaching you to “put stuff inside other stuff”.

And we are looking for a home day care. Tata Cathryn wants to be the backup or work 4 hours so we gotta find a solution. All the other babysitter are too expensive, it’s barely worth it for me to work at this point, if it means I have to hand over my salary to someone else who gets to spend time with you and see you growing every minute. I want to work… but only part time. So we are looking. Stress levels pretty high.

If I had that videotape I was taking about, I would watch it now. I’m gonna go look at you sleeping instead. That also work.




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